Fighting Over Laminated Marble

💌 A True Story

Dear Powells,

I am sat in café with Boy George’s Do You Really Want to Hurt Me playing in the background and, as of yet (there’s still time), no-one is annoying me. I am contemplating a slice of toast or maybe a crumpet. Nothing says autumn to me more than a crumpet and Boy George.

I have recently started drinking coffee. I don’t think I like it much, but it makes my next cup of tea taste better because I am so grateful that it isn’t coffee so I will persevere. I love cafés. This one – Café Impromptu – appealed to me because it has those chairs typically seen in Parisian cafes, which make me feel continental. The tables however are disappointingly not real marble, but a laminate effect, which I have conflicting views on. Laminate is not as classy as real marble, but it also isn’t as cold as real marble. Both are adequately wipeable and therefore suitable for a café environment. I wonder if the owner of Café Impromptu bought the laminate on a whim and now wishes they’d bought marble? They seem too busy at present for me to ask them and so this profound question will likely go unanswered.

The two ladies on the table to my left have just ordered Cokes with ICE. This makes me shudder. An ice cube will not pass my lips until at least June 2024 and my body will be clothed in nothing but wool until a similar time…

I interrupt my ice flow because I have just been verbally assaulted through the window. A true story follows:

When I arrived the café was almost empty so the waitress let me choose ‘whichever table I liked’ and I chose a seat in the window. Now the cafe is full. Moments ago, a couple walked in – with some swagger, it must be noted – only to be told by the waitress that no tables (of the laminated marble variety) were available. Maybe, they are used to tables being cleared and evacuated especially for them as they were obviously disgruntled. As they left, I, being seated in the window (the best seat in the café) with an empty coffee cup atop my wipeable table, became the object of their attention. Their narrowed eyes clearly said: seeing as your cup is empty, it’s time for you to leave so we can have your table. I smiled and tried to look pleasant and unoffensive. Minutes later they were back. This time, they seated themselves outside the window and waited, conspicuously. The woman turned to glare at me periodically. The man huffed and puffed and the longer I sat in my warm seat, the redder his face became and the bigger his huffs and puffs got. Eventually, they had had enough of my apparent disobedience, and they left, but not before the man mouthed F*** OFF at me through the window.

A photo of the disgruntled couple, along with my cup, laminated table and Parisian style chair.

I gave his words some thought and then promptly ordered a pot of tea with toast and jam. I plan to stay all day.

Yours, disobediently,

Powell x